Good Day, friends, fashionistas, and stylinistas;
A young lady posted a simple one line (maybe two?) statement on my Facebook feed the other day about toxic people...I have no idea why; I assume she was dealing with something that made the statement important to her. In any event, I have recently been posting about depression, etc., that can occur in the 40+ age range, how often it occurs, and some things we can do to avoid it. When reading the post, I immediately recalled how dangerous a proximity to 'toxic' people can be to a woman's health.
Firstly, what comes to my mind when I hear the expression "toxic person", I think of is a usually negative person who most often drains my soul of joy and happiness; a person who does not wish me to be happier, healthier, etc. than she is, a person who does not really wish me to "rockmyage".
Toxic people are usually pretty easy to spot if one evaluates their actions; unfortunately, the toxicity of these people may creep upon a woman over time and she may not realize how toxic the person to her well being. Toxic people spread negativity, they are really only concerned about focusing attention upon themselves and their problems or woes in life, not yours, unless they are comparing to themselves (which will always be worse). Any conversation you try to have with them will always revert to themselves. Many times the conversation will be a subtle "putdown" or attempt to belittle your life as compared to theirs. They spread negativity, and will always end up with a complaint, even if it begins with something positive. They often take delight in the plight of others. Many of them use the negativity as control issues with either friends or family members; complaints that you are not paying enough attention to them, and attempt manipulative "games" to control you or depress your self esteem;All too often, they may succeed. We have all been exposed to the man or woman who rarely has anything very positive to say on any subject, who usually is on the "outs" with someone at any given time, and who is not comfortable with any opinion other than his or her own.
A truism of the psychological world is "if you feel you are the only one contributing to a relationship, you are probably right". If you find yourself in a 'toxic' relationship, (i.e., "pity parties",) for the sake of your own health, it is important to set limits in your dealings with that person, especially if you are the one doing all the 'giving' - whether it is the 'attention, conforming to their control, or in more material ways. Usually, asking "Toxic" what he or she plans on doing about a specific gripe (diplomatically, of course), failing to wallow in his or her problem(s), and setting limits to the level of toxicity you will allow them to project in to your life can end the subject. It is also important to realize that "Toxic" may truly feel you owe it to her in some way to be her victim, and he or she may be a bit annoyed. It is important to find the "win-win" situation if at all possible, and it may not be.
Of course, I am not talking about the genuine catharsis that a friend may need when confronted with a significant life event such as divorce, death, extreme health issue, etc., that occur in life and your friend needs a shoulder to cry on or a genuine helping hand. That type of mental and conversational support is what separates the meaning of "friend" from "acquaintance". Constructive help, whether it be a willing ear or more substantial support can deeply strengthen a true bond.
Each of us know who, if any, are toxic people to us; each of us have a different ability to shake or shrug off people who may be harmful to her mental health. Each of us also have a different amount of this negativity we can tolerate before it affects us. Certain behaviors may be toxic to a woman and not toxic to another. It is important to discover what her limit is and what boundaries she must set. Each of us must also learn to stand her ground when she knows her acceptable amount of "leaching" has been reached. Failure to do so is harmful to both physical and mental well being.
It is important to search out people who contribute to personal growth and who "add" to our life, rather than "subtract" from it. Trials and tribulations may make us grow a little stronger, etc., but negative people can only drain our coping abilities. Poison is mental as well as physical and needs to be avoided to "Rock Fitness".
..................Geneva.................Rockmyages@aol.com
No comments:
Post a Comment